What a week it has been.

I know this blog is supposed to be about my journey through my challenges, but I cannot act like my life is happening in isolation from what is going on in the rest of our country.

I spent yesterday crying on and off for the families of all those slain this week. For both the officers and Mr. Castile and Mr. Sterling.

There were so many times over the past few days that I typed out a visceral, angry response to what has happened. Where I cast blame and threw barbs and pointed fingers.

And while I may still feel upset, I realized that immediately throwing hate back at hate isn’t going to fix this.

People are always shocked that I can discuss highly controversial issues without getting truly angry – at least in person. Some of my absolute best friends in the world live on the opposite end of the political spectrum. Even my father and I have passionate disagreements.

These five women and I have had discussions ranging from everything from gay marriage, to abortion, to the Bible and more. And yet, as you can tell, we have a close-knit bond.

I realized though that when I went online, it was different. Instead of bringing to bear the same passion and respect that I had in person, I would just go on tirades. And while many agreed with me, there were many who would immediately be turned off. Not because what I said was wrong. But because of how I said it.

Discussions about issues such as race should be thoughtful and nuanced. Instead, we are so ready for that soundbite. So ready for that one thing we can take and run with and point to on social media. And none of that is going to get us anywhere.

Race is an issue that has been woven into the fabric of our country since it began. Even Lin-Manuel Miranda discusses it in Hamilton. In the song Yorktown (The World Turned Upside Down), the lyrics read (emphasis is mine):

[HAMILTON]
After a week of fighting, a young man in a red coat stands on a parapet

[LAFAYETTE]
We lower our guns as he frantically waves a white handkerchief

[MULLIGAN]
And just like that, it’s over. We tend to our wounded, we count our dead

[LAURENS]
Black and white soldiers wonder alike if this really means freedom

[WASHINGTON]
Not. Yet.

Another one of my best friends and I have had numerous discussions on race. And yes, he is black. I know the tired trope about “But my best friend is black!” But he really is one my of best friends, so it is what it is.

Something that stuck with me last year when he and I had a discussion about the entire Rachel Dolezal nonsense was that he identifies first as black, before any other qualifiers. That is something that is woven into his being, as it is in so many others, because of the way we have continued to treat anyone of color in our country.

Another good friend of mine often posts about his experiences being treated differently and disrespectfully, despite the fact that he owns his own law practice and is generally one of the most stand-up guys I know. (Honestly, I was sometimes annoyed with him in law school because he just seemed so GOOD at everything hahaha).

The reason I point these things out though is because all of these discussions have come about – be it about race, sexual orientation, abortion, guns – because my friends and I were willing to actually sit and talk.

Without taking things personally. Without being accusatory. Without mocking the other side, or saying that they are “sheep,” or that they just hate all LGBT/black/pro-choice/whatever people.

We didn’t degrade each other’s intelligence. We didn’t call each other names. We actually listened.

And yes, sometimes it’s hard. Growing and learning can be painful. How many times do you fall down when you’re a child learning to walk? But that doesn’t mean you give up and never try to walk again. It means you take what you learned and move forward.

When I first heard about white privilege, I got defensive. It’s a fairly common reaction amongst white people. Because, of course, no one’s life is without suffering. So many mistake white privilege to mean that white people have everything handed to them or have it so easy. Obviously, that is not the case. All of us suffer in our own way.

But at the same time, yes, the color of your skin DOES offer you advantages in treatment and in life. It is an immutable fact, backed up by evidence.

That is not to say that you don’t work hard. I know most people do (especially Millennials, but that’s another post for another day). But you are given inherent advantages.

Accepting this is just one part of the discussion, though.

All sides need to be able to sit down and discuss ways to change, grow, and move forward.

I hate that I have to offer this caveat, but no, I do not think all cops are racist – but are there some racist cops and others with inherent biases? Yes.

And no, not all #BlackLivesMatter members want police killed. Do I think there are a few militant members? Probably. But they are not the majority.

We MUST stop living in extremes and look instead at what unites us. We need to find that middle ground, that so often seems to get lost in the “us” vs. “them” discussions on social media.

And in some small part, I am going to do the very best I can to offer only thoughtful, articulate, and non-accusatory and non-inflammatory statements on the issues we face as a country.

I have been given much in my life. That’s not to say I haven’t suffered (last year will attest to that), but I have been blessed to present as white, and I will use that basis from which to speak for those whose voices have been silenced for too long.

Lastly, to keep this as part of my challenges, I am also going to take on the challenge of not complaining for a week. If this past week has shown me anything, it’s to love my family and friends as much as possible and be grateful for all that I have been blessed with.

So starting today, I am going to only focus on the positive and attempt to go a week without complaining in the slightest.

I leave you with one of the best quotes I have heard all week: “Don’t hate evil more than you love good.”

 

Always,

Amanda